word of the day

You know what? Joy. That's what.

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." --Viktor Frankl
"It is this spiritual freedom--which cannot be taken away--that makes life meaningful and purposeful." --Viktor Frankl
"There must be more to happiness than everything going right in your life."
"In your life there have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take." --Elder F. Enzio Busche
"Life wasn't meant to be endured, but enjoyed." --Elder Henry B. Eyring

I know my path. I know my goal. I know the end of this story. I'm on the winning team. And I know what my reward will be. With this knowledge, how can I be anything but joyful?

i'll leave the window open

Ignore the fact that this very idea was just made into a TV show, because I thought of it first--have you ever wished that you could see your life exactly six months or a year in the future? I have. I do. School. China. Work. Humanities. Italian. Boys. Decisions are hard. It would be so much easier if I could just see in the future what I haven't yet decided in my present. Follow?

Six months. Will I have a better handle on my life then? Will I have more things figured out? Will I be that much more grown up? I wish there was a grown up meter. No, I don't. Then my immaturity could be proven, not just conjectured at and laughed about. But really, will I be six months smarter six months from now? I don't feel any more grown up than I was in April. Sometimes I think I'll grow up later. When I'm married, then I'll be more mature. But that's wrong. I need to be mature now. I need to grow up now.

Ok, six months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Heck, 21 years is nothing in the grand scheme of things. So, since 21 years is kind of significant to my limited human perspective, I'm just going to apply that logic to the next six months. They seem pretty important to me. And they are, aren't they? They could shape the rest of my life. Tomorrow could shape the rest of my life.

Is it worth it? Is it worth the missing and the leaving and the making up for it later?
But how can I pass it up? How can I pass up the memories and the life experience and the adventure?

And anyway, life is going by too fast. I'm getting older. I'm getting older! I'm not really ok with that. I won't always be able to do these kinds of things. But can I do these kinds of things now? Can I really? No, no, no. I can do anything I want. I just have to pay the price. Literally and otherwise. I could do it if I really wanted. but do I really want?




what I really want is for Peter Pan to show up at my window.

take another little peice of my heart

Here's something that blows my mind--when you think you know something (about yourself, about someone else, about life...), then you come to realize you were 100% wrong. I'm not usually a stubborn or head strong person, but there a few things that require much coercion to make me change my opinion. Before tonight, one of those things was my keen dislike of Jelly Bellys.


Our kind (but sadly ignorant) neighbors gave us a 64 oz. jar of Jelly Bellys as a thanks for checking their mail for a week. Little did they know that we are the kind of family that generally turns up our noses at Jelly Bellys, except to eat the occasional Tutti Frutti, Black Licorice, or French Vanilla. Well, Fate couldn't stand by and watch a perfectly good thousand-or-so Jelly Bellys go to waste, so Fate sent us my two good friends. One who hails from the very birthplace of the Jelly Belly--Fairfield, CA. We sat at the counter talking, while the two of them blissfully grabbed hand fulls of beans. I was finally convinced to taste a caramel corn. ...And I liked it. Then I got more adventurous and had a Peanut Butter, Chocolate Pudding, French Vanilla, Very Cherry, Red Apple, Buttered Popcorn, Cream Soda... Soon I was grabbing into the jar and giggling joyfully with the rest of them.

My dislike turned quickly into obsession. Soon I was cruising the internet looking for more information on the delightful little candies. I came upon a website dedicated to creating Jelly Belly recipes. The only thing better than a Jelly Belly--four Jelly Bellys put together to create Rocky Road. Or hot chocolate or strawberry milkshake, PB&J sandwich, chocolate dipped strawberry, breakfast. So basically, I found virtual heaven.

But those Fairfield geniuses didn't just stop after they had created some fruity hits. They created a world. A world of flavor. Which includes....a line of Cold Stone Creamery flavors.


In the ever applicable words of Brian Regan, "Can life get any better? I submite that it can-not."

all in a day's work

Today I conquered two giants. To you they may seem like simple everyday actions, but to me, my day's feats were the equivalent of running a marathon, climbing a mountain, or figuring out that blasted rubix cube.

First, I faced a giant and probably poisonous spider. My first thought went something like "ahhhhhhhhhhhhshoot", quickly followed by, "who am I going to get to kill this monster?" Then I remembered the only other person in the house was probably in a (doctor prescribed) drug-induced slumber at the moment. So it was just me and the beasty. After taking a step back and a much needed breather, I formulated a genuis plan. Which, miraculously, ended in the spider rushing through the u-bend, where he no doubt met and became BFF with Moaning Myrtle. This is only the second spider I have ever killed, and it was definitely the biggest. I'm very proud.

My second triumph may seem even more trivial, but to me it signified a rite a passage. It wasn't so much a David and Goliath victory, but more of a life changing realization. As I was making myself a delicious breakfast burrito I hit the egg against the side and pulled it apart like it was nobody's business. No thought of yolk explosion or fear of egg shell disaster. Without even realizing it, my egg cracking fear has slowly but surely faded. And today was the day it all became clear to me. By no means can I do any of your fancy crack-with-one-hand business; just the regular two-handed-crack is victory enough for me.

What a good day.

to China or not to China

I was so SURE that I wanted to go to China! And really I do still want to. But I don't have this burning ball of happiness in my heart every time I think about it like I used to. That's ok, though, right? I mean, I'm not going to be socompletelyandtotally psyched for eight straight months, right?

Anyway, my excitement levels aside, it is not helping that I am getting bombarded from all sides with reasons to stay. So, in the spirit of Gilmore Girls, I have decided to make a pro/con list. Ready, go.

::CONS::
I miss K's homecoming
I miss A's wedding
I'm set back one more semester (though I really don't care too much about this)
I leave M all all alone
I miss out on a summer filled with potential N goodness

::PROS::
I get to teach English in a foreign country
When else am I going to go to China?!
The Great Wall
Terra Cotta Warriors
I'll have many classrooms full of adoring fans
Everywhere I go, people will stare in admiration of the Tall White Girl
I'll have unparalleled adventures (providing me with excellent blogging material)
It's 800 bucks. Dang.

Ok, while the pros clearly kick the cons' behind in terms of numbers, that list didn't actually help me at all. I knew all those things. And to confuse me even more, if the last few millennia are any indication, China isn't going anywhere. I could put it off. But I'm too scared that if I do that, I'll never get to China. Something else will always come up. I kind of feel like I need to stop thinking so much and just do it.

Exit, brain.

betcha didn't know

1. I have never eaten a pickle and I plan on keeping it that way
2. My will power is so strong that I am slowly turning the color of my eyes from brown to green
3. I know the spelling, definition, and correct usage of the second longest word in the English dictionary
4. I never throw away backpacks, so I currently have eleven of them in a box in my closet
5. I got a billion X large free t-shirt on campus one day, made it into a giant shirt pillow, named it Francisco, and sleep with it at night
6. One time I pet a giraffe
7. I have accepted that I will never in my life correctly spell or fail to mix up the words "conscious" and "conscience"
8. The only thing worse than taking medicine is taking purple medicine
9. The gay Dumbledore issue will NEVER fail to infuriate me
10. I CANNOT stop in the middle of a series--be it book, TV show, or movie--no matter how many times I've read/seen it before
11. I can quote the entire movie "School of Rock"
12. My dreams are infinitely bigger than my bank account
13. One of the best feelings in the whole world is having freshly brushed teeth
14. The song "I Love Life" by Melissa Lefton will never fail to raise my spirits
15. Despite its unparalleled number of rainy and cloudy days, Salem OR is still the happiest place in the world to me
16. The website I visit more than any other is dictionary.com
17. No matter how old I get, I will always find poop funny
18. My birthday is my favorite day of the year, but I have probably cried on 18 out of 21 them
19. Growing up terrifies me
20. In my heart of hearts I really want to be a famous actress
21. I voluntarily went by the nickname "Stinkycheese" for the entirety of Middle School
22. Shoes are my weakness
23. There have been about three moments in my life that I have not been in mood for $5 pizza at Little Ceasar's
24. I could watch a movie every single day of my life and still never get tired of movies
25. After Hogwarts School of Witcraft and Wizardry, the fictional place that I would most like to be at right this second is Stars Hollow, Connecticut

knowledge is just a finger click away

This is why I have unwavering trust in and love for wikipedia--

Search: Anvils

"Gilmore Girls" had a scene in Season 4 Episode 18 entitled "Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom!" where Lorelai Gilmore has a nearly 3 minute discussion about "where did all the anvils go?", This included a description of what an anvil is and how common it must have once been because of its usage in Looney Tunes."

I was inspired by that very episode to do some anvil research. And you know what I discovered? Anvils are just as boring as you think they are.